For many, it came at a young age, and a big cost to who they would become. There is no definition that explains what it feels like, or what it means to come from a broken home. It’s not simple to explain, it’s not what most would see as normal, and it’s something that can bring both happiness and pain. Those who come from a broken home are doing their best to figure life out, just like everyone else. Don’t get me wrong here, loving someone who comes from a broken family can be work, but they will love you and cherish you with all of their heart. You are their safe place, and they will always have your back for that. To be able to give back the love and loyalty you are getting, here are a few facts of people from broken homes that will help you to better understand how to love someone who comes from a broken family.
1. They don’t trust easily
Trust is something that is earned for them, and it is taken very seriously. This will be relevant throughout your entire relationship. At some point in life, someone they trusted ended up disappointing them big time. For this reason it’s hard for them to just give up their trust to you. This might be hard to crack at first, but when they let you in, they likely won’t hold anything back.
2. At the beginning of the relationship, they won’t think they deserve you
You are simply too good for them. They don’t deserve the love, or even the attention that you are showing them. This can last for a very long time, but it is likely that you won’t even know they feel this way. Those who come from a broken family are used to holding in their feelings and covering up with a smile. When they seem down to you, just give them a compliment and hold them close.
3. While in the early stages of dating, they will focus on you, and avoid long conversations about themselves
At some point at the beginning of dating, you will feel like they know everything about you, but you don’t exactly know everything about them. This is normal. When they get into a relationship it’s easier for both sides to talk about positive things, and their home life is not positive, so they avoid it. You might be told names of family members, or a funny story here or there, but you will have no idea that their parent is or was an addict, or whatever their home situation might be. Don’t push on this subject. When they trust you, they will tell you what growing up was like for them.
4. They will be the independent one in the relationship
If at times it seems like they don’t act like they need you, it’s because they don’t, technically. They had to grow up at a young age, and some of them even had to take care of themselves and their siblings on their own. They can get by without you, but they don’t want to. Don’t hold this against them, as it will benefit them when they have a family of their own. And if you’re lucky, that family will be with you.
5. Meeting your family will be hard for them
A normal family is something only dreams are made of for them. Talking about your family is uneasy for them, and meeting them is terrifying. They don’t know what to expect, and your stories of childhood and good relationships are a far cry from their reality. Be supportive, and introduce them to the family slowly. Once they see how your family interacts, they will open up to you about theirs, giving you a better understanding of who they are.
6. Arguments will either be filled with emotion, or be completely shut off
Depending on the topic, and how comfortable they are with you, an argument will go one of two ways. Earlier in the relationship it is likely that when an argument arises they will tend to listen more than they talk. They don’t necessarily want to disagree with you, and they want two things to happen. They want you to be happy at the end of the argument, and they want the argument over NOW. In the heat of an argument at this point, they will feel extremely anxious, and wonder if this might lead to you leaving them – just like everyone else has left them. The second way this can go is with extreme emotion. By this point in the relationship it is likely they are comfortable with you. They no longer worry about you leaving them just because of this fight, and they will let you know how they feel. Regardless of the situation you find yourself at, don’t leave things unsettled. At the end of the day, they need to know that everything is okay.
7. Once they fall in love with you, they are done hiding from you
However long it might take for this to happen, when it does, you will know. Letting someone in enough to fall in love is a big thing for them. At this point in the relationship they will have started to open up to you about their past, and their family. You will know exactly how they feel about their home life. It might feel to you like this came out of nowhere, but it most certainly did not. They thought this over in their heads many times, and they came to the same conclusion each time. You are worth letting in. You are understanding and non-judgmental, and they know you love them back.
8. Marriage will be an awkward conversation for them
By this point, they love you, you know everything that makes them who they are, you’ve both met each others families, but something is still off. First of all, try not to get frustrated with them. To most, marriage is a fairy tale, and one that didn’t go so well in their family. Don’t get mad, as it’s all they know. Over time they will start to see a long future with you, and they will be more open to trying to understand what marriage with you could be like.
9. Marrying you will be the happiest day of their life
Once they get over the initial shock that they are actually getting married, they will be overjoyed. At this point, they have moved on from their past, and they are looking forward to starting a new life with you. They are all about you, and this will genuinely be the happiest day of their lives – until the two of you have kids.
10. They will make an amazing parent
Because of all they have gone through as a child, they will know exactly how they want to be with their children. They will want to give their children the life they wish they would have had. Becoming a parent can be terrifying for anyone, but they will take it in stride. If you are lucky enough to make it this far with them, they you are their everything, and they will look forward to making your little family the best it can be. Featured photo credit: Cute couples via blog.lib.umn.edu
